Save Your Marriage
Hi good people. In my last article, I gave you 10 reasons why marriage fails. I feel like this topic is incomplete if we don’t explore things you can do to save your marriage. Let’s dive right in.
As I mentioned in my earlier article, a marriage can fail due to various reasons. Some of the common causes of marriage failure include the following:
- Lack of commitment by both or either of the spouses
- Being an absent spouse
- Arguing constantly without looking for solutions
- Lack of communication
- Financial issues
- Abuse – physical, mental, emotional, sexual, etc.
- Contempt
- Stonewalling
- Infidelity
- Lack of intimacy and Sex
Suppose your marriage is struggling. You might think that the exit door is the easiest solution. You might feel like being single or getting into another relationship would be better. However, this is not always the case.
You see, the grass is not always greener on the other side. The grass could be dry on the other side, or there is no grass at all. Take a moment to internalize that (smiley face).
So, before you decide to end your marriage, try and fight for it.
10 Things You Can Do To Save Your Marriage
There are several things you can do to save your marriage as I’ll explain below.
1. Stop Procrastinating; Start Addressing Issues Now to Save Your Marriage
If you feel like your marriage is in trouble, it’s best to start addressing issues immediately. Procrastination leads to a buildup of issues.
As issues build up, negative feelings and pent-up emotions build up. When this happens, addressing the issues affecting your marriage can become overwhelming for both of you.
2. Search Yourself; What Do You Really Want?
After you’ve decided to address issues affecting your marriage, search yourself. It involves asking yourself hard questions regarding your marriage. The major question to ask yourself is what you really want.
Do you want to give the marriage a chance? If your answer is yes, you are ready to put in the work to save your marriage.
3. Ask Your Partner If They Would Like to Save the Marriage
As we all know, a marriage is between two people. If you decide to save your marriage, it would be best to ask your partner if they would like to do so too.
Saving a marriage requires commitment from both parties. So, unless you are both ready to save your marriage, trying to do it on your own could be an exercise in futility.
If you’re both willing to work on saving your marriage, you can take the next step.
4. Identify the Problems Affecting Your Marriage
Now that you’re both willing to save your marriage, it’s time to list down the issues affecting the marriage.
Oh, yes, each of you should get a paper and pen and list down your issues.
You see, what may be an issue to one partner might not be an issue to the other. By writing down your issues, the other partner can know what your complaints are and try to address them.
5. Discuss the Issues Affecting Your Marriage
After listing down the issues affecting your marriage, it’s time to discuss each one of them. As you discuss each issue, agree on the way forward about that particular issue.
It’s good to note down what you agree on a particular issue. If the same issue rears its ugly head in the future, you can refer to the agreement.
6. Ask for Forgiveness from Your Partner
Suppose you want to give your struggling marriage a fresh start. In that case, forgiveness is vital. When you forgive each other, the healing process begins.
So, now that you know the mistakes you’ve made in your marriage journey, ask your partner for forgiveness.
When you ask your partner to forgive you, you’re basically telling them to let go of any resentment, grudges, anger, bitterness, etc. they may have towards you.
When your spouse forgives you, they experience some kind of peace that enables them to give the marriage another chance.
7. Find It in Your Heart to Forgive Your Partner
Forgiving a loved one who has hurt you is not usually easy. You see, some of us look at forgiveness as a sign of weakness. In addition, some of us are too proud to forgive others.
Forgiving someone requires strength and determination. If you really want to save your marriage, try to find it in your heart to forgive your partner when they ask for forgiveness.
If you both find it in your heart to forgive each other, you’ll be on your way to giving your struggling marriage a new lease of life.
8. Look for Professional Help to Save Your Marriage
When I wrote the article “10 reasons why marriage fails”, one of the readers sent me an interesting comment via email. She said that some problems in marriages are very complex. I totally agree with her.
If you don’t know how to solve some of the complex issues affecting your marriage, or you can’t find it in your hearts to forgive each other, it’s best to seek professional help.
When you both agree to get help, you’ll be on your way to saving your marriage.
Professional help may include any of the following:
- Seeking the services of a couples therapist
- Attending marriage workshops
- Joining a couples’ support group
- Reading marriage help books
9. Set New Goals To Help Strengthen Your Marriage
If you want your rekindled marriage bliss to last, it’s good to set new goals to help strengthen your marriage. When you set new relationship goals and try to stick to them, your marriage will become stronger, happier, and healthier.
Here are goals you can set to strengthen your marriage.
Embrace each other’s imperfections
Remember you’re not perfect, and neither is your partner. When you embrace the imperfection of each other, you can strengthen your relationship.
Agree to always communicate calmly
Communicating calmly helps to keep things in control even when you disagree with each other. Communicating calmly includes keeping your tone of voice appropriate, soothing, and calm.
Agree not to judge each other
If you agree not to judge each other, you’ll both feel comfortable opening up and being honest with each other. That’s a good way of strengthening your marriage.
Agree to be vulnerable with each other
Being vulnerable with each other means allowing your spouse to see the real you. You don’t hide your feelings, fears, and anxieties from one another. Being vulnerable with each other strengthens your marriage.
Fight the problem, not each other
Agree to tackle problems head-on instead of fighting each other. You can do this by understanding that the problem is the source of your conflict, so, deal with the problem.
Agree to keep your romance alive
A marriage without romance is almost dead. One of your relationship goals should therefore be keeping your romance alive. You could start by regularly holding hands, hugging, having date nights, etc.
Make time for fun/leisure
All work and no play makes a married couple bored with each other. One of your goals should be to make time for fun and leisure.
For instance, you could take walks, go for picnics, go hiking, etc. Doing such things will gradually strengthen your marriage.
Agree to always make up after a fight
Making up immediately after a fight is very important in strengthening your marriage. You see, when you don’t make up, bitterness and anger start to build up leading to tension in the marriage.
So, “don’t go to sleep angry”. It’s one of the secrets of a strong marriage.
Commit to growing old together
I think this is the greatest goal you can make to strengthen your marriage. If you commit to growing old together, you’ll always work towards making your marriage a success.
10. Try to Forget the Past To Save Your Marriage
As I mentioned earlier, forgiving your loved one for hurting you is not easy. Now, forgiving and forgetting is even harder. Many times, the hurtful things your partner did to you in the past rear their ugly head.
If you entertain such thoughts, you can become angry and irritable. During such times, you might feel like giving up on your agreement to save your marriage. It’s like taking one step forward and two steps back.
That’s why it’s important to try and forget the past. I’m saying “try” because I know it’s easier said than done.
When negative thoughts about the past start flooding your mind, brush them aside. You can try to think of positive things (again, easier said than done).
With time, the bad memories will fade away. Don’t give up.
Conclusion
Saving a marriage that’s already struggling is not a walk in the park. However, it’s possible to save your marriage if you’re both ready to set your differences aside and have a fresh start.
All the best as you work on your marriage. May you grow old together. Cheers!
What’s your take on how to save a marriage? Kindly share your views in the comments section at the end of this page. Thanks.
Also read: 10 Work From Home Ideas for Moms; Become a Financially Empowered Woman
