This week, I have come across two different incidents of young women who were killed by people they met online. This kind of news scares me to death. Firstly, I’m a woman, and secondly, I’m the mother of a 19-year-old daughter. I thus decided to share this post about red flags you should not ignore when online dating. As the saying goes, it’s better to be safe than sorry.
I dedicate this post to all the girls and women looking for love online.
The young women I’ve mentioned above apparently met the guys online and started online dating. However, when they finally met the guys physically, the girls ended up dead.
One girl was stabbed to death. The other one was chopped to pieces, and her body parts were stashed in polythene bags.
According to investigations, the guy who killed the first girl happens to be a serial killer. Several girls have come out to narrate their encounter with him. They’re lucky to have lived to tell their stories.
Apparently, he lures the girls by posing as a wealthy man who can cater to all their financial needs.
As I said in my post on how to find love at any stage of your life, one of the ways you can find love is via the internet. You see, the internet has made the world a global village – you can meet potential partners from any part of the world at the click of a button.
So, today, the modern dating culture includes online dating. It has made it easy for people to meet and connect. You can meet a potential partner using internet apps such as:
- Online dating apps
- Social media platforms – Facebook, Facebook groups, Instagram, etc.
Having said that, it’s good to note that online dating has its own challenges. Remember, you’re interacting with someone behind the keyboard. A total stranger whom you’ve never talked to, seen, or met.
My advice is that you should not rush into meeting the person physically. Take your time to know the person and do some due diligence before agreeing to meet them in person.
Most importantly, watch out for red flags when online dating. The red flags are a sign that the person is not who they claim to be and that their intentions are not pure.
If you notice any red flags, run for your dear life. You don’t want to be another statistic of a woman who was harmed by a person they met online. Do you?
Let’s look at the red flags you should not ignore when online dating, without further ado.
The Person Wants the Relationship to Move Fast
The first red flag you should not ignore when online dating is when the person wants the relationship to move fast. You chat with the person once or twice, and they start expressing feelings for you.
Here are some things the person might say or do to you within days of chatting:
- I have strong feelings for you.
- I love you.
- I want to marry you.
- I’ll marry you and make you very happy.
- They make you feel special very quickly.
If this happens, be cautious. How can someone love you within days of meeting you online? This is probably one of those people who fall for everybody they meet online. Chances are that they say the above things to everyone they meet online.
They probably want the relationship to move fast so that they accomplish their mission quickly (whatever their mission is).
A person who wants to have a relationship with you should focus on getting to know you first. Love grows gradually.
The Person Sounds Too Good To Be True
Another red flag you should not ignore when online dating is if the person sounds too good to be true. This person is a smooth talker and says all the things you want to hear. For instance, the person can say the following things to flatter you:
- You’re gorgeous
- You’re exotic
- You’re intelligent and unique
- You’re special
- You’re classy
- You’re one of the best people I’ve ever met
The person could also be too apologetic or sound too cool and collected.
The person most likely wants you to think he’s a good person. The idea could be to make you fall into their trap easily. So, take the person’s flattery and “goodness” with a pinch of salt.
The Person Keeps Mentioning Their Profession
Suppose you meet someone online who keeps mentioning their profession. That could be a red flag you should not ignore.
You see, if the person keeps mentioning a profession such as doctor, engineer, or successful businessman, they could be trying to impress you. They most probably want you to believe that they are educated and successful.
That could be a way of luring you to admire, respect, and fall for them. It’s definitely a red flag you should not ignore when you meet someone online.
The Person Keeps Talking of Their Resources
A person who is not genuine might keep talking about their resources. For instance, they might mention they have loads of cash, a successful business, or a well-paying job.
They might even say your financial woes will end when you finally settle with them.
That is a red flag you should not ignore when online dating. Most loaded people don’t brag. The person is most likely trying to impress you with their “money”.
Don’t be surprised if the same person later asks you to help them out financially despite claiming to be loaded.
The Person Wants To Know Your Personal Details
If you meet a person online and they insist on knowing your personal details, it could be a red flag. By personal details I mean things like where you work, live, whether you drive, etc. They could be trying to gauge your financial status.
If the person’s intentions aren’t good, your financial status might help them decide whether you’re worth pursuing.
It’s best to refrain from disclosing your financial status to someone you meet online. Flee if they insist on knowing your financial status.
The Person Asks Private Details About How You Look
It’s okay for someone to ask how you look. For example, they can ask about your height, weight, race, length of hair, color of eyes, etc. However, if the person insists on knowing private details about how you look as soon as they meet you, it’s a red flag.
Some private details they might insist on knowing include the size of your bust, the size of your behind, etc.
The person is mostly likely looking for a “sex object” to fulfill their sexual fantasies. Run baby run.
The Person’s Pet Subject is Sex
Another red flag when online dating is when the person’s pet subject is sex. I mean someone who speaks about sex 99.9% of the time you talk to them. Some of the things they might talk about or do include:
- Talk about the size of their sexual organ
- Talk about their sexual prowess
- Send you pictures of their sexual organ
- Demand for cyber sex from you all the time
If you’re looking for a serious relationship, don’t entertain someone who talks about sex all the time. Talking about sex all the time can be draining. In addition, the person is most likely looking for cheap cyber sex. It’s definitely a red flag you should not ignore. Flee.
The Person Has Sexual Perversions
Some people you meet online could be sexual perverts. A sexual pervert is someone who talks or does abnormal sexual activities to reach orgasm. Such a person’s plan could be to use you to fulfill some of their sexual fantasies.
Avoid entertaining a sexual pervert because they really have nothing to offer you. They are just wasting your time and draining you emotionally. Once they’re bored with you, they’ll move to their next victim.
Here are some of the signs that the person you’re dating online could be a sexual pervert:
- Masturbation
- Cross-dressing – the person derives sexual pleasure from dressing in female clothes such as bras, thongs, pantyhose, etc.
- Masochism – the person says they derive sexual pleasure from being humiliated, tied up, or beaten up.
- Exhibitionism – the person likes exposing their genitals to you. They could also ask you to expose your private parts to them.
Kindly note that sexual perversion is an illness. Such a person needs help!
When Online Dating The Person Doesn’t Want To Send You Pictures
In online dating, you first meet someone virtually. So, if you’re attracted to each other, you both need to share your pictures. By so doing, you see who you’re talking to and get to know them more.
Suppose you share your pictures with the person and they don’t share theirs in return? That’s a red flag when online dating.
By refusing to share pictures, the person could be hiding something like their age. Maybe they have told you they are 45 years yet they are 25 or vice versa.
They could also be hiding their gender. They could be pretending to be male yet they are female or vice versa.
They could also be hiding their looks maybe because they don’t feel confident about how they look.
So, if someone refuses to share their pictures, it’s a red flag that you should not ignore when online dating.
Note: The person should share more than one picture with you so that you get to see them in different settings. In addition, if a person shares only one picture, they could be using someone else’s picture. So, insist on several photos of the person.
Also note: Never send nude pictures or intimate videos of yourself to anyone. The person could use them to blackmail you. In addition, remember that the internet never forgets. So, don’t post stuff that could embarrass you later.
The Person Refuses To Share Their Social Media Accounts
If you’ve met someone online and you’re attracted to each other, the relationship progresses slowly by slowly. You start by chatting, and you can later decide to video call.
Once you have developed trust in each other, you could exchange phone numbers and start voice calling. The final step could be agreeing to meet physically.
Now, before you agree to meet your online crush physically, it’s important to exchange your social media accounts. So, give the person your Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook handles and ask them to give you theirs.
This step is essential because you can tell a lot about a person from their social media handles.
Here are some things you can learn about a person from their social media handles:
- Whether they are real: You can tell this by their social media pictures and friends. You are trying to find out whether people know this person. If their social media profiles have no pictures, friends, likes, or comments, it could be a sign that the account is fake.
- Their character: The photos, friends, and comments on the person’s social media handles can tell a lot about their character. For instance, you can tell if the person is respectable, decent, fun-loving, indecent, etc.
- Their interests: You can tell the person’s interests through their social media stories and posts.
If you’ve shared your social media handles with a person you’re dating online and they refuse to share theirs, that’s a red flag.
In this day and age, most people have at least one social media account. If they refuse to share the handles it could be a sign that they are hiding something.
The Person Wants To Send You Money When Online Dating
If someone wants to send you money soon after you start online dating, it could be a red flag. The reasons they could want to send you money could include the following:
- To manipulate you: They want to give you money so that you can feel like you owe them something. It’s a way of manipulating you to do what they want. Some of the things they may ask you to do after you receive the money include asking you for cyber sex or asking you to send them your nude pictures.
- To hack your accounts: They want to get your bank or card details so they can try to hack them.
- Money laundering: They want you to set bank accounts for them where they can transfer money acquired through money laundering. Money laundering is a crime – don’t get involved.
The Person Asks You To Send Them Money When Online Dating
Another important red flag you should not ignore when online dating is if the person asks you to send them money. This happens after the person has gained your trust. They tell you they have an “emergency” and they require your financial help. They can also tell you a fake sob story to make you sorry for them.
So, since you “trust” the person, you send them the “help” they need. You become another statistic of people scammed in the name of romance.
If someone asks you for money when online dating, it’s best to cut off the relationship immediately. If you are not careful, a romance scammer can leave you brokenhearted and broke.
The Person Wants To Meet You in a Secluded Place
This is one of the most important advice in this post. If you’ve been dating someone online and you both finally agree to meet physically, that’s okay. However, if the person suggests you meet in a secluded place, that’s a red flag you should not ignore.
You see, the two young women I mentioned at the beginning of this post met their dates in secluded places. They were lured to Airbnbs, sexually assaulted, robbed, then murdered.
Don’t assume that someone you met online is who they claim to be! Always be cautious, especially when you decide to meet physically. If the person insists on meeting you in a secluded place, cut off the relationship immediately.
Here is what you should do when meeting your online date physically for the first time:
- Meet in an open, public place where you feel safe and secure.
- Don’t allow the person to pick you up from your location – take yourself.
- Don’t allow them to drop you home after the date.
- Avoid getting intoxicated – you need to be alert at all times.
If you observe these simple rules, you’ll protect yourself from all kinds of danger.
Conclusion
Online dating is here to stay. If it’s of any consolation to you, millions of people have found true love via online dating. You can find love too.
However, it’s good to remember that all that glitters is not gold. Keep yourself safe online by looking out for the above red flags.
If you notice any red flags, don’t ignore them. Run for your dear life. It’s better to be safe than sorry.
I’d love to hear about your experience with online dating. Kindly share in the comments section below.
Also, share this article with your friends and loved ones to help keep them safe. Cheers!
Also read: How to Make New Friends Easily
